2011 in review

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2011 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

The concert hall at the Syndey Opera House holds 2,700 people. This blog was viewed about 11,000 times in 2011. If it were a concert at Sydney Opera House, it would take about 4 sold-out performances for that many people to see it.

Click here to see the complete report.

Bed Blogging – Revisited

Image via Wikipedia

Last night I just couldn’t get myself to fall asleep.  Why?

Not because of my job.  Not because of my bills.  Not because of my fat ass – but because I was bed blogging.

I wanted to say sleep blogging – but technically I wasn’t asleep.  I was lying in bed writing my blog in my head.  Thinking of a ton of ideas, and stories, and witty repartee.

Of course, tonight I have forgotten every single thing that I wanted to write about – but that’s par for the course.  After the day I had at work my brain is a pile of mushy Jello with no vodka.

I always need vodka.

En tout cas, I write my best pieces when I’m emotional and I think of my best stories when I’m bed blogging.  I lie in bed staring at the stripper pole that my husband so sweetly bolted into the ceiling (after I had a pole accident – of course) and my mind races 240 with “information”.

Does anyone else blog in their sleep?  Do you compose letters, write books or try-out meaningful conversation?  What else do you do?

Please tell me I’m not the only one.

All I can say is I should have bought stock in Benadryl because that seems to be the only way I can get to sleep lately.  Sweet dreams.  Or should I say sweet blogs?

© 2011 J. H-M and CultureChoc2010.

Related articles

• Bed Blogging (culturechoc2010.wordpress.com)
• Why do I wake up throughout the night when I?m sleeping? (zocdoc.com)

Twenties vs. Forties: A Top 20 REVISITED

After having one of those days where I just should have stayed in bed, I pondered my life both then and now and decided to make a side-by-side comparison of

Mom & Me in my twenties

what I wanted from life or did in my twenties and what I want from life or do now that I’m almost 43.

Things change and priorities shift as you get older.  When you have kids they change even more.  As a responsible adult sometimes fun gets put on the back-burner and a once clear-head become non-existent.  I miss that clear-head.

Me in my forties

When I was 20 I was living it up in Paris on my parents’ dime, footloose and fancy free.  My only concern was where the next best soirée would be held and who was going to be on the guest list of my next party.  At 43 I worry about paying my bills, money in general, the health and well-being of my family, my health, taking care of my cats, going to work and the list continues.

So let’s take this point by point so we examine the age gap and maybe now understand what our parents went through with us as cranky teenagers and crankier twenty somethings.

1. 20:  I wanted a hot guy with a hot car.  Hondas need not apply.
   40:  I want my hot guy with his hot car.
2. 20:  I drove a fast 1978 Camaro LT, 350 4-barrel with louvers, air shocks, fat tires and a spoiler.  I had a lead-foot.
   40:  I drive a fast BMW convertible  with fat tires and I still have a lead-foot.
3. 20:  I worked at TSV Video (when I was in the US), watched movies all day, drank wine, flirted with the customers, watched and recommended porno, loved my boss Stan and used to arrange Gumby-like toys in sexual positions on his desk every night.  I rarely had to deal with any bullsh**.  My biggest responsibility was making change and setting the alarm.
   40:  I work as a teacher, enlighten impressionable minds all day, drown in paperwork, drink water or Crystal Light, recommend places to visit in Paris and I’m not commenting on the boss.  I constantly have to deal with bullsh**  from EVERYONE.  My BIG responsibility is other people’s children.
4. 20:  I had a dog.  My parents took care of her and I played with her.
   40:  I have 2 cats and I take care of them:  butt wiping, baths, litter box scooping, trips to the vet, cuddling partner, Mommy, playmate.
5. 20:  I pounded shots.  Many shots.  Body shots.
   40:  I sip good wine.  A lot of wine.  All kinds of wine.
6. 20:  I tried to figured out new ways to get away from my parents.
   40:  I wish I still had both my mom and dad and now love spending time with my Daddy.
7. 20:  I had a Mandee Charge Card and no debt.
   40:  I have too many credit cards to count and debt up the wazoo.
8. 20:  I weighed 120 pounds and ate anything I wanted.
   40:  I’m always on a diet!
9. 20:  I would stay out all night and party.
   40:  I will stay out all night and party but try to get home by 4 so I don’t piss off the husband.
10. 20:  I wanted to be a translator for the U.N. or a big-wig in the international business world.
    40:  I want to keep my teaching job and hope my pension will still be there.
11. 20:  I slathered on baby oil so I could get that deep, dark tan.
    40:  I slather on sun block and skin repairing cream to try to undo the sun damage of yesteryear.
12. 20:  I had big, whorey hair.
    40:  I have big, whorey hair.
13. 20:  Fifty dollars was a lot to spend on shoes.
    40:  Now I try not to spend over $500.
14. 20:  I had no kids.
    40:  I still have no kids (by choice).
15. 20:  I never wanted to go home.
    40:  I can’t wait to get home.
16. 20:  I lived in France and loved it.
    40:  I want to live in France and I still love it.
17. 20:  I had a boyfriend who wanted me to look like a Barbie doll.
    40:  I have a husband who wants me to look like a Barbie doll.
18. 20:  Dressing like a whore was always an option.
    40:  Dressing like a whore is a weekend only option.
19. 20:  I went to the gym almost every day.
    40:  I stare at all the gym equipment in my house and dust it off once and a while.
20. 20:  I stared at myself in the mirror and thought about how hot I looked.
    40:  I stare at myself in the mirror and notice fine lines and aging and think about when I can get my first facelift.

Some things have changed and some things have stayed the same.  I believe age is only a number (even though it keeps creeping around like a bad case of crabs) but with age come wisdom and knowledge.  I’ve heard before that youth is wasted on the young.  I believe it now.  If we only knew then what we know now, we could have ruled the world.

I don’t know about you but I’m not done yet and I still plan on ruling the world.

© 2010 J. H-M and CultureChoc2010. Re-published 2011.

Bed Blogging

Image via Wikipedia

Last night I just couldn’t get myself to fall asleep.  Why?

Not because of my job.  Not because of my bills.  Not because of my fat ass – but because I was bed blogging.

I wanted to say sleep blogging – but technically I wasn’t asleep.  I was lying in bed writing my blog in my head.  Thinking of a ton of ideas, and stories, and witty repartee.

Of course, tonight I have forgotten every single thing that I wanted to write about – but that’s par for the course.  After the day I had at work my brain is a pile of mushy Jello with no vodka.

I always need vodka.

En tout cas, I write my best pieces when I’m emotional and I think of my best stories when I’m bed blogging.  I lie in bed staring at the stripper pole that my husband so sweetly bolted into the ceiling (after I had a pole accident – of course) and my mind races 240 with “information”.

Does anyone else blog in their sleep?  Do you compose letters, write books or try-out meaningful conversation?  What else do you do?

Please tell me I’m not the only one.

All I can say is I should have bought stock in Benadryl because that seems to be the only way I can get to sleep lately.  Sweet dreams.  Or should I say sweet blogs?

© 2011 J. H-M and CultureChoc2010.

Related articles

• Avoid Insomnia With the Three R’s (everydayhealth.com)

Letters To My Mother

Image via Wikipedia

My friends always tell me that my life should be on TV.  Frankly it could be an HBO series.  It’s never dull and it’s always jam-packed full of crazy shit.

I have so many writing projects going on.  It’s insane!

I write poetry, as you know, if you read Monday’s blog.  I’m writing a naughty novel based on the life of a party-girl.  Hmmm…. any resemblance?

I’m writing a screenplay – named for the street that I live on.  What drama!

I’m also writing “Letters To My Mother” – a novel (perhaps) that I started after my mother’s untimely passing 6 years ago.

Here’s a sample of “Letters To My Mother”.  Let me know what you think….

Friday, March 18, 2005

 Dear Mommy,

How are you?  Are you okay?  Where are you?  I’m having so much trouble dealing with this distance between us.  Are you still in pain?  Will I ever feel normal again?

I went back to work today.  It was very difficult.  In the past three weeks, I missed a total of nine days of work and I don’t even care.  I’m nothing without you Mommy.  I miss you so much.  I still can’t believe that you’re not at home with Daddy and me.
I don’t know anymore, Mommy.  I’m so sad now.

I tried to stay strong for everyone for as long as I could, but now I feel like a train wreck.  I have no control over my emotions.
I wish we could talk soon.
I love you, forever and always,
Jacqui

Just a sample of my more melancholy side….

© 2011 J. H-M and CultureChoc2010.

Death Consumes

Image by dalechumbley via Flickr

Poetry is magical, sad, happy, evil and heavenly.

I’ve been writing poetry since I’ve been in junior high school.  I’ve compiled 4 volumes of poems called Deep Thought.

1. Deep Thought
2. Deep Thought:  Lost in Erotica
3. Deep Thought:  Lost in Space
4. Deep Thought:  Death & The Afterlife

Here’s my newest in Deep Thought:  Death & The Afterlife.

Death Consumes

Death puzzles me
It’s so cold and final
Locked in a box
Nothing to see

A woman so bright
So full of life
Encased in bronze
Can only see night

A cancer grows
And eats her alive
An infection so fierce
From her head to her toes

Locked in a box
So full of life
A cancer grows
From her head to her toes

© 2011 J. H-M and CultureChoc2010.

Favorite Posts

Everyone has their favorite posts – for various reasons….  Here are mine – well today anyway:

• Behind the Boobage
• It’s All About The Boobs

Notice a pattern?

• Shoe Shock
• A Heap of Handbags

Yet another pattern?

• Death Changes Everyone
• Losing The Ones You Love
• As Christmas Approaches
• Are You There God?  It’s Me Jackie
• The Importance of “I Love You”

Yes.  A pattern again!

• Discourteous Richards
• A Codeine-Induced Slumber
• A Raving Lunatic’s Friday Rants
• Penis Colorforms & Boobie Tassels
• Twenties vs. Forties
• Getting It From Behind
• And anything in TRAVEL

© 2011  J. H-M and CultureChoc2010

 

Related Articles

• My Favorite Posts (culturechoc2010.wordpress.com)
• Behind The Boobage: A Re-blog (culturechoc2010.wordpress.com)

My Favorite Posts

Everyone has their favorite posts – for various reasons….  Here are mine – well today anyway:

• Behind the Boobage
• It’s All About The Boobs

Notice a pattern?

• Shoe Shock
• A Heap of Handbags

Yet another pattern?

• Death Changes Everyone
• Losing The Ones You Love
• As Christmas Approaches
• Are You There God?  It’s Me Jackie
• The Importance of “I Love You”

Yes.  A pattern again!

• Discourteous Richards
• A Codeine-Induced Slumber
• A Raving Lunatic’s Friday Rants
• Penis Colorforms & Boobie Tassels
• Twenties vs. Forties
• Getting It From Behind
• And anything in TRAVEL

© 2011  J. H-M and CultureChoc2010

2010 in Review: Has It Been A Year Already?

The stats helper monkeys at WordPress.com mulled over how this blog did in 2010, and here’s a high level summary of its overall blog health:

The Blog-Health-o-Meter™ reads Wow.

Crunchy numbers

A Boeing 747-400 passenger jet can hold 416 passengers. This blog was viewed about 13,000 times in 2010. That’s about 31 full 747s.

In 2010, there were 169 new posts, not bad for the first year! There were 530 pictures uploaded, taking up a total of 158mb. That’s about 1 pictures per day.

The busiest day of the year was January 3rd with 208 views. The most popular post that day was Losing The Ones You Love.

Where did they come from?

The top referring sites in 2010 were facebook.com, WordPress Dashboard, en.wordpress.com, mail.yahoo.com, and en.search.wordpress.com.

Some visitors came searching, mostly for scungilli salad, stiff stuff hairspray, paris, culturechoc2010, and scungilli.

Attractions in 2010

These are the posts and pages that got the most views in 2010.

1

Losing The Ones You Love January 2010
12 comments

2

Behind The Blog January 2010
8 comments

3

Shoe Shock April 2010
14 comments

4

STIFF STUFF: An Adventure In Hair April 2010
3 comments

5

Shake It Like A Polaroid April 2010
1 comment