Thinking About A Simpler Time

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© 2012 J. H-M and CultureChoc2010.

Kitty Talk: An Embarassing Admission Part 2

I don’t know about you, but I can’t help but baby-talk to my 3 kitty cats.  My husband makes fun of my catlingo but my babies know exactly what I say – at least I think they do.  With names like Bailey Boots Little Pussy, Peaches N. Crème de Menthe & Tia Maria Tigresse, it’s hard not to have fun.

Besides Peaches, Tia and Bailey I call them tons of names.  I don’t know how they know who I’m talking to, but they do:

• Bailey, Boots, Bear, Buddy, Mommy, Bootseree, Baldor, G Boy, Mommy’s Boy, Kitty Cat Bat, Tee La, Mommy Ska La, Foo Fighter, Pretty Boy, Boo, Smee, Snuggy, Ma Moo, Boo Bear Boy, Teess, Swee, Cheese, Chicken, Mummy, Boodis, Butter Bean….
• Peaches, Bear, Mommy’s Girl, Mommy, Bunny Girl, Cotton Tail, G, Buddy, La, Peachka, Snuggy, Bunny, Buddy Girl, Cheese, Chicken, Mummy, Butter….
• Tia, Ti Ti, Ti Boo, Ti Boozen, Tia Boo bia, Tee, Baby Tee, Little Tee, Mommy’s Girl….

They also have their own theme songs (yes, I’m nuts).  If I sing Bailey’s song, he comes and Peaches does the same.  Tia – not sure.  Do you want to hear them?  Again, I know I’m nuts but I love my babies.

• Bailey Bear with black hair, he’s my Bailey, Bailey Bear.
• Peaches N. Cream, Peaches N. Cream, little itty bitty, bitty Peaches N. Cream.
• Tia Boobia, foo-fighter fia, Tia.

My Catlingo continues to not only names and songs but to everyday cat chat.

Food is foodis.  Do you want me to open the door for you is you want Mommy opee up?  Do you want to go to bed becomes you wanna go seepy in the bed?  The only thing that seems to stay the same is do you want to eat? The backyard wildlife all have names too.

• squirrels = squirrlees
• chipmunks = ship monkeys
• birds = birdies
• rabbits = bunny wabbits
• bugs = buggies
• mice = mousies
• ants = anties
• cats = kitty cat friends

That about covers the yard and surrounding areas.  I know I sound like a total nut but I remember my parents always talking baby talk to our dogs when I was growing up.  Even with my pets, my mom, when she was alive and my dad always talked baby-talk to their grand-cats.  It’s a given.

Do you?  I think almost everybody does it, but many don’t admit it.  I can’t believe I am!

© 2011 J. H-M and CultureChoc2010

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Separate Bedrooms: The New Retro-Modern

I wrote this blog back in April…

A couple of years ago my husband and I had a huge fight (probably over something stupid) and he moved into the spare bedroom.

To this day he drifts in and out of our boudoir for various reasons:  sex, sleep, intimacy, his bed is not made….  Frankly, I am so used to sleeping alone (well not alone – with 1, 2 or 3 cats) that when he decides to invade my personal space (Isn’t that what marriage is?) without warning, I get absolutely NO SLEEP.

By the time I get acclimated to a warm, non-furry body next to me, he’s gone again because of his crazy work schedule.

Back to the lack of sound sleep….

Girls… you know what I’m talking about.  The burping, farting, snoring and general restlessness of a man is difficult  to look forward to.

My friend tries to convince me that it’s part of marriage and she’ll never go to sleep  without her husband next to her.  I agree – but once you get used to the less smelly, less noisy version of sleep, it’s hard to go back.  I already have to deal with the cats and my own ADHD.  Damn!  I take to 2 Benadryl every night so so I can fall asleep at a decent hour.

I am not a cuddler.  I am always warm and can’t stand the idea of someone snuggled up against me.  Maybe I’m a guy in a chick’s body?  Who knows!

It definitely got me thinking about the past and the practice of separatebedrooms.  My parents always slept in the same bed, but I think the kings and queens of Europe had the right idea.

Are separate bedrooms the new retro modern?

I think so.  Right or wrong.  Good or bad.  I think if it works for you, go for it.  What do you think?  I’d love to hear from you.

By the way, he’s back in the bed….  It was nice while it lasted.

© 2011 J. H-M and CultureChoc2010.

Image: photostock / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

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Bed Blogging – Revisited

Image via Wikipedia

Last night I just couldn’t get myself to fall asleep.  Why?

Not because of my job.  Not because of my bills.  Not because of my fat ass – but because I was bed blogging.

I wanted to say sleep blogging – but technically I wasn’t asleep.  I was lying in bed writing my blog in my head.  Thinking of a ton of ideas, and stories, and witty repartee.

Of course, tonight I have forgotten every single thing that I wanted to write about – but that’s par for the course.  After the day I had at work my brain is a pile of mushy Jello with no vodka.

I always need vodka.

En tout cas, I write my best pieces when I’m emotional and I think of my best stories when I’m bed blogging.  I lie in bed staring at the stripper pole that my husband so sweetly bolted into the ceiling (after I had a pole accident – of course) and my mind races 240 with “information”.

Does anyone else blog in their sleep?  Do you compose letters, write books or try-out meaningful conversation?  What else do you do?

Please tell me I’m not the only one.

All I can say is I should have bought stock in Benadryl because that seems to be the only way I can get to sleep lately.  Sweet dreams.  Or should I say sweet blogs?

© 2011 J. H-M and CultureChoc2010.

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Send Me Your Money So I Don’t Have to Start Hooking!

The economy is so bad right now that we are all feeling it.  It doesn’t matter if you make $200,000 a year or $20,000 a year – everyone is affected.

The past 2 years have been a struggle.  If I ask my dad for any more money I’m going to revert back to my childhood or I’ll have to become his personal indentured servant.  Thank God for Daddy!

I have never had any bill paying issues in my life but recent circumstances have made me join the ranks of the common folk.  I live paycheck to paycheck (like everyone else) and actually have to watch what I spend.  I’m doing fine but at the same time, it’s so not in my makeup to budget.  What’s that?  A struggle is an understatement – it’s more like a battle.

So I’ve changed my lifestyle.  No more extravagant dinners out and about – frankly no more dinners at all.  No more clothes or shoe shopping unless it’s a necessity – but I highly doubt I will need another pair of shoes since I have so many already.

Image via Wikipedia

It’s tough and not pleasant at all.  The stress is high and the morale is low.

I recently read an article about the economy and credit cards.  Analysts said that the economy is improving because there has been more use of credit cards recently.  Bullshit!  Did they even take into consideration that people are using their cards for food and gas because they have no cash?

That’s my scenario.  Gas and food on credit cards.  Internet and any other car tragedies are added too.  But add at your own risk!  The damn banks have lowered all your limits, increased interest rates and minimum payments.  That leaves the consumer in a hole and the hole gets deeper every day.

Christ!  I haven’t taken my cats to vets as regularly as I used to – no $$$$$!

We’re all in the same sinking boat!  And as it gets harder and harder to live (in NJ) and prosper, so we pray that we stay afloat.

How are you dealing with the bad economy?  What changes have YOU made?

I hope and pray that it turns around and soon because all we do is work and work and have nothing to show for it.  At least I have a roof over my head and I am in much better shape than some.

Please donate to my cause… ME… so I don’t have to start hooking!

I’d love to hear your thoughts.

© 2011 J. H-M and CultureChoc2010.

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Where the Hell have I been?

I know, I know, I’ve been bad.  My blogging has fallen by the wayside because of my other, more pressing endeavors… Jacq’s Rox & Jersey Shore Gourmet – but let’s not forget my real job – career in fact – a magnanimous & entertaining French & Spanish teacher.

Oh – and let’s not forget ebullient.  Tee hee.

In any case, I have a lot on mind – some good, some bad – and my brain is often fried or vodkafied when I return to my quiet (only if my husband is out), cozy home – cat meowing and all.

My husband’s Uncle Joe just passed away.  He was such a nice man.  I’ll miss him.  Death puts me into my own reflective and pensive world – too introspective for my own good.  I start thinking about my mom, her death, her illness and how I could have been a better daughter.

Ok – the tears are here now.

I’ve written about my mom so many times because it comes from the heart and seems to be genuinely cathartic for me.  AND if I can help someone along the way who is going through the same loss, I’m thrilled about it.

Mommy will be gone 7 years in February.

I can’t believe it’s been that long.  It seems like yesterday yet sometimes so far away.  There is not a day I don’t think about her, talk to her, cry to her and ask her for her strength.  She was so strong.  I’m not sure I can ever be the woman that she was – but I try to be the best woman that I can be.  I think she’d be proud.

I want to share so many things with her every day but all I can hope for is that she’s listening to me from wherever she is and is channeling all her strength and fortitude my way.  I still find myself picking up the phone to call her.  Then I catch myself.

When you lose a parent it all makes sense.  Not their death.  Not their suffering.  Your own life, as crazy as it may seem, starts to make sense.  It’s like someone opened a window into your soul and you finally think about what’s important in life, in death and inside.

I will never stop missing my mother.  I will never stop hoping that she is pain-free,  at peace and watching over me (and my Dad too) as much as she can.

I think she’s watching like a hawk and still trying to guide me to make the right decisions.

If you knew Phyllis, I think you’d agree.  
My mommy is still here with me.  
From Heaven or from right above.
She never stops giving me love.
Mommy I miss you so.
I find it so hard to let go.
As I cry and write this poem.
I wish you were with us at home.

© 2011 J. H-M and CultureChoc2010.

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ANTM… What Are You Thinking?

Image via Wikipedia

Last night I followed my usual Wednesday night routine by plopping myself down in front of the TV and watching America’s Next Top Model.

The show was progressing d’habitude and then a commercial break.  A man and a woman were watching top model TOGETHER, joking about Allison’s “booty tooch”

Not only was I disturbed by this but I was thoroughly disgusted.  Gross!

I have to practically tie my husband to the chair and force feed him vodka to get him to watch ANTM – and he only succumbs for reruns!  I found myself sneering at the screen and then of course, expressing my disgust as if someone could actually hear me!

I have no idea what they were thinking!  Men watch football.  Women watch Project Runway.  Men watch the History Channel.  Women watch ANTM.

Maybe I’m just old-fashioned… tough!  Get a grip channel 11.  My disgust runs deep.

© 2011 J. H-M and CultureChoc2010.

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The Eighties Dude: Villain or Just Misunderstood

Cover of Valley Girl

After watching Valley Girl twice in the past week (oh – btw I have it on DVD too) I started thinking about the 80′s movie guy who we loved to hate.  Remember him?  The hot guy who thinks he’s all that and treats everyone around him like garbage.  You just want to jump through the scream and knock them out!

I’ve known a few of them in my lifetime and I’m sure you have too.

Let’s examine THAT 80′s GUY:

• Valley Girl: Tommy.  Julie’s conceited, no-good boyfriend who stomps on everyone like a spoiled child when Julie breaks up with him and wants to move on to greener pastures.  He also sleeps with her “loose” friend and makes her feel even worse.  VILLAIN.
• Some Kind of Wonderful: Hardy Jenns.  Hardy is a stuck-up, rich, poor example of a man.  He takes the girl from the other side of the tracks, makes her “famous”, then makes her feel like sh** under his shoe by turning everyone against her.  Nice guy that Hardy.  VILLAIN.
• Pretty In Pink: Steff.  Steff is another rich boy who comes between his friend and an outcast from the poor side of town.  He treats people like dirt but the truth comes out in the end.  VILLAIN.
• Weird Science: Where do I start?  Chet – Wyatt’s brother.  Gross, disgusting and just a greedy human being.  Ian & Max.  The good-looking, cool boys who have the girls, leave the girls and lose the girls.  Part Villain, part MISUNDERSTOOD.
• Back To School: Chas.  Can you say A-hole?  The swim team star who gets off by being deceptive and condescending to poor Jason.  VILLAIN.
• The Breakfast Club: John Bender.  Bad boy turned around – but not before causing some emotional drama.  MISUNDERSTOOD.
• Just One of the Guys: Greg Tolan.  I hated this guy.  A muscle-head sadist who picked on the weak.  VILLAIN.
• Girls Just Wanna Have Fun: Here’s a twist.  A villainess.  Natalie Sands.  Rich bitch Natalie gets served up a big dose of her own medicine.  I love her coming-out party.  VILLAINESS.

Did I forget any?  I’m sure I did.  Who is your favorite 80′s movie villain or villainess?

© 2010 J. H-M and CultureChoc2010.  Republished 2011.

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More ROOTS than Alex Haley?

When my husband tells me that I have more ROOTS than Alex Haley, I know it’s time to have my hair done.  Yes, it’s true, I’m long overdue, but sitting in the salon for hours and hours is not my idea of fun.

Losing a few hours in the chair is only part of it.  It will cost me +$200 + tip to get a cut, color and highlights and then have to wait a week for my hair to recover from hair-shock before I actually start liking it.  And the color?  The color is NEVER the same.  It’s either too blonde or too red or too ashy or too “not what I wanted”.

My hairdresser is great with color so it must be me.  I never seem to be satisfied with my “do”.  Maybe that’s why I wait so long to go back.  After 3 weeks my roots grow in but I tend to wait months.  Don’t forget about the cost of shampoo, conditioner, Keratin Mist, hair shine, silk infusion, root lift and hairspray.

As women we also have to worry about our nails.  I need to get them done at least once a month (not bad) and that’s not including warm-weather pedicures.  Our eyebrows, among other things,  need to be waxed.  We have to take care of our “stache” and buy a load of face creams, serums, collagen, $24 face wash, tightening lotions and makeup.  Don’t forget about teeth-whitening products and $45 body lotions.  All so we can look good and feel good.

What do men do?  Maybe some moisturizer?  Gel for their hair?  Men are usually not even concerned with changing their skid-marked underwear for a pair of new ones.  Most could care less if they wear brown, blue, black and beige all at the same time.  Yet even though the studies say, women dress for women and not men, we still want to look good for our spouses whether we’re 200 pounds or 100.

If I go out in sweats and no makeup, my husband says, “You’re going out like that?”  Make me feel good why don’t you.  So why don’t they think the same way?  Duh!  Because they’re men.  So ladies, raise your hands if you agree.  Try not to fault them no matter how much they piss you off.   Just love them for who they are…  farting, burping, loving husbands.

Image: photostock / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

© 2010 J. H-M and CultureChoc2010.  Republished 2011.

You Know You’re A Shopaholic When… A Re-post

You know you’re a shopaholic when:

1. You hide your purchases in the trunk of your car until it’s SAFE to take them inside.
2. You throw out your bags and boxes in neighbors’ garbage cans.
3. You actually shop in the 3 minutes you have in between classes.
4. You are obsessed with QVC and HSN.
5. You rationalize that you saved $700 instead of spending $200.
6. You love to shop for clothes, shoes, purses, cooking stuff, household items, candles, soap, vases, makeup, cat paraphernalia, music, software, food, etc.  There are no limits.
7. If caught with a new item, you say that it’s old and you brought it home from your parents’ house.
8. You start buying meat on HSN.
9. You have 10 tabs open… 1 Facebook and 9 online shopping sites.
10. You buy things you don’t need with money you don’t have.  The obvious.
11. You have moved into every closet in the house and taken over.
12. You build a BIG shoe closet and can only fit 1 season at a time.
13. Your jewelry armoire weighs 101 pounds empty.  God only knows when it’s full.
14. You have to buy every new gadget and electronic available in due time.
15. You have way too many things with tags still attached.
16. You can dress for an entire year without wearing the same outfit more than once.
17. You own an olive pitter, a butter curler, a crumb cleaner, an egg yolk piercer – among other things…
18. You have over 10 different sets of dinnerware, over 16 types of vodka behind your bar, every piece of exercise equipment made and over 15 comforter sets stuffed in your attic.
19. You possess over 300 pairs of shoes, about 150 handbags, over 100 dresses and gowns and list goes on.
20. You always looking for a new venture to support your habit.

Pray for me please!

© 2010 J. H-M and CultureChoc2010.  Re-published 2011.

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