Shopping For Pole

Whether it’s FEDEX, UPS, DHL or USPS, my delivery men know me well.  My UPS guy told me that he’s never seen someone get as many packages as I do.  I don’t know if I should take this as a compliment or a “damn, I’m glad you’re not my wife!”

I love buying makeup from Sephora, toiletries from (until they started charging me tax), books and DVDs from Amazon and just about anything on easy pay from HSN or QVC.  I earn frequent flyer miles for Continental Airlines and get Membership Rewards from American Express.  I flew to France for free on those miles!

I buy everything from false eyelashes to furniture on-line.  Last year I bought a $400 Cricut machine that I have yet to use – but I’ll use it eventually.  I buy clothes, bras, toys, cat stuff, shoes, food, books, magazines, coats, wine, housewares, linens, video equipment, toilets, sinks, switch plate covers, molding, exercise paraphernalia, a 1976 Fiat Spider, computers, lighting and a ton of other stuff.  Can you tell I love to shop?

I am without a doubt an utter shopaholic.  I mean I wouldn’t go to the lengths to find an zero-balance credit card that Isla Fisher went to in Confessions of A Shopaholic – I keep the unused cards in a more accessible place – but I do have a true addiction.  I get a total high when I buy something new.  I can’t help myself.

One of my favorite purchases was a pair of mid thigh-high brown suede boots.  I think I wore them once but that’s not bad for someone who has 400 pairs of shoes.  In any case, my most unusual purchase was one that I made towards the end of 2009.  My husband was home when the package arrived and he had already open it before I got home from work.  It was laying on the living room floor and had a picture of Carmen Elektra hanging on it.

You can imagine his surprise when he discovered that I bought a stripper pole!  It is so cool.  I heard so many things about using it for exercise and I just had to try it out.  A couple of days later John put it up in our bedroom.  It is a portable pole which meant that I didn’t have to drill it into a beam and I could take it anywhere.  My own private pole.

After John assembled it with instructions in Dutch I started to play.  I watched an internet video to see how to use it and tried a few moves.  It is harder than it looks but I felt triumphant until the pole detached from the ceiling and we both (the pole and I) fell head first to the floor.  I saved my head but lost the pole – my husband would have to fasten it to the ceiling.  Dammit!

I have had a few other minor pole accidents.  I ended up with metal chards in my hand and I cut my leg on the adjustable bottom.  But  now the pole is securely fastened and I have mastered several moves; one being the “Back Hook Spin”.  Every time I work the pole it takes so much upper body strength that I get so sore and achy.  I can only hope that I somehow master that giant shaft gleaming from floor to ceiling in the corner of my bedroom, since I’ve already mastered the other one.  : )


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