Do The Excuses Ever Stop? Enabling, Mommy Texting & Other Evils

The school year is winding down and most World Language classes are preparing for final exams. Both the students taking exams and the teachers giving them are stressed, to say the least.

EVIL NUMBER ONE: Enabling.  The last thing we need is more stress.  It’s the end of the year for Christ’s sake!  Four full days.  Four full days of exams.  Four half days for students and 1 day of graduation.  So why are parents still making excuses?  Why are guidance and the CST still ENABLING?

Because it’s all about the CHILDREN?  Give me a break.  If it were all about the children, there would be consequences.  Consequences for bad behavior, laziness and truancy are just a few.  If it were about the children there would be more administrative discipline, more in and out of school suspensions and more children being retained.

Why do the powers that be insist on pushing kids through when they do absolutely NOTHING, they can’t read or write and they are horrible disruptions to the entire class?  Let them fail.  Maybe it would be a good wake-up call for these students and their parents.  Maybe if their kid is 16 and still 7th grade, they would be so ashamed that they would finally stand up and be good parents.

Parents need to stop being their children’s friends and start acting like moms and dads.  Start acting like parents.  Kids need discipline.  Kids need consequences and boundaries.  Caregivers at home and school should be able to recognize the manipulators – and there are many.  I get sick to my stomach every time I think about it.

I know teenagers.  They will manipulate, lie and try to get away with as much as possible if you let them.  That’s normal.  Allowing them to have a free-for-all is NOT!  We were all teenagers once.  We were the same but we had the fear of God and our parents.

I was afraid of my parents.  Afraid of disappointing them and afraid of getting trouble.  So many children nowadays have NO FEAR.  Seriously, no fear.  I’ve been in IEP meeting when a young girl stood up and called her mother a Bitch.  Mommy would have back-handed me – but I don’t think I would have had the nerve to say something like that to begin with.

EVIL NUMBER TWO:  Mommy Texting.  Did you ever e-mail a parent or give them a call to update them on their child’s progress or lack thereof and 10 minutes later, their child comes bursting into your room, in the middle of your class, protesting with a foul attitude?  This is a result of Mommy Texting.  A text sent to a student by his or her mommy telling them what Ms. So And So said about them.  Where do they get their nerve?  No cell phones in school means NOTHING.

EVIL NUMBER THREE:  Rewards for social retardation.  Ice cream for the mal élévé.  How can rewards, such as pretzels, candy and ice cream be a punishment for bad social behavior.  Slamming your backpack on a desk, fighting with classmates, overtly hating and alienating everyone around you and doing ZERO, nothing, nada, niente and rien are surely great reasons to be penalized by ice cream and sugar.  All the other kids talk about it.  It’s embarrassing.  I’m embarrassed for them.

EVIL NUMBER THREE:  The Running Excuse Via Parental Manipulation. “Ms. Jones, please e-mail me as soon as Fred starts having problems.”  Why do I bother?  With 13 days left of school I’m still hearing the same old song.  He said he did the work.  He said he’s not talking.  He said he’s paying attention but just doesn’t get it.  Well… get your ass in here for extra help and stop whining!  We did it in class TOGETHER.  It was a class assignment and if you did nothing (which is probably the case), you had to take it home for homework.  I can’t wipe your asses for you dears.  Someday YOU will be accountable.  I cannot wait for the day!

So when will this generation (and I’m not talking about all of you – you know who you are) of parents rise to the occasion and step up to mold their children into hard-working, productive, non-whining members of society?  When?

I don’t know if that day will ever come but I wish they would stop masking their poor parenting skills and own up to it.  In my opinion we’re raising a weak generation of complainers.

Ladies and Gentlemen, step right up to see the pussification of America at its best!

Image: Francesco Marino / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image: Suat Eman / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

© 2010 J. H-M and CultureChoc2010.

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8 responses to “Do The Excuses Ever Stop? Enabling, Mommy Texting & Other Evils

  1. Going on the enabling–I have a student who has been absent 35 times! I asked a person what is being done. Person said letters have been sent home. Um, what about calling a truant officer or DYFS maybe. Even though this child has been out 35 times and is failing my class and will probably fail for the year, I am sure he will be advanced to the next grade.

  2. It’s interesting to hear it from the other side. I’ve known (and been a victim of) some lying, evil, conniving teachers, but I’ve also known kids who did everyrhing imaginable to get out of following the rules and doing the work. I was scared of my parents and though I had moments of rebellion, the knowledge that I would be in school when the mail came kept me pretty straight! What’s with the ice cream?

  3. Wow, I thought I was missing something. No, not you at all. You were one of my faves. =)

  4. I want to start out by saying I LOVE hearing what you have to say and while I totally agree that there ARE PARENTS at FAULT I also know the OTHER SIDE. The world is not just turning out this way due to sudden poor parenting. And ironically parents who ARE very involved concerned parents don’t get treated with anymore respect either.

    This is a great article that can be found at:
    The Blame Game!
    Are School Problems the Kids’ Fault?
    by
    Pamela Darr Wright, M.A., M.S.W.
    Licensed Clinical Social Worker

    http://www.wrightslaw.com:80/advoc/articles/ALESSI1.html

    It cites an interesting study that reveals:

    Based on the results of these 5,000 reports prepared by school psychologists, “the results indicate clearly no need to improve curricula, teaching practices, nor school administrative practices and management. The ONLY needs somehow involve IMPROVING THE STOCK OF CHILDREN ENROLLED IN THE SYSTEM, and SOME OF THEIR PARENTS” (Page 149)

    As I’m sure you also know N.J. standards were increased not too long ago because while NJ claimed to be educating our children the 2005 NJ ASK scores as compared to Nationwide testing said differently. “Eighty-two percent of the students given the 2005 New Jersey ASK are competent or proficient readers, but when they are given the national assessment, thirty-seven percent of the students are competent. There is a forty-five point discrepancy between the New Jersey assessment and the national assessment.”

    Obviously, it is easy to blame the kid’s and or the parents rather then to look at high paid administrative figures who are not implementing effective school management practices and who offer 1- 3 day workshops to their teachers and then claim that this person is qualified to say, teach a student with a reading disability.

    Time and time again I see staff using eclectic teaching methods which takes away all validity from the scientifically researched program. Children are often thrown into one size fits all programs and misplaced in the curriculum. Teachers often are not provided with the tools they need, or adequate training, and then do not provide the program as skillfully and intensively as it needs to be implemented nor do they utilize positive behavioral management practices. This is often the case of why a child displays “bad behavior” rather then a child having real psychological problems. Or the child does start to exhibit conditions that have become secondary in nature because their needs have not been met or their egos have been so badly bruised and battered by the system.

    We have alot more going on then just poor parenting. Remember we have alot more children in our schools who have disabilities because babies who are now born would not have survived perhaps when we were born. We also have so many environmental factors, food additives, and hormones that are screwing up our children. And let’s not forget all the prescription drug cocktails that we are giving to the kid’s and their parents these days.

    Also there are many more homes these days where BOTH parents must work and I do not see the same family support systems in place that I witnessed while growing up. Extended families living together who each shared in doing a part to make it better for all involved. I know someone commented that Indian or Asian kids parents having different priorities. Yes, most do and look how many of them still have that strong support either within their own families or community. I just don’t see that happening much elsewhere.

    And while I certainly agree with disciplining children and even an occasional smack by their parent I know that in school especially for children who have disabilities “Intervention plans and strategies emphasizing skills students need in order to behave in a more appropriate manner, or plans providing motivation to conform to required standards, will be more effective than plans that simply serve to control behavior. Interventions based upon control often fail to generalize (i.e., continue to be used for long periods of time, in many settings, and in a variety of situations) — and many times they serve only to suppress behavior — resulting in a child manifesting unaddressed needs in alternative, inappropriate ways. Positive plans for behavioral intervention, on the other hand, will address both the source of the problem and the problem itself. IEP teams may want to consider the following techniques when designing behavior intervention plans, strategies,
    and supports:

    Manipulate the antecedents and/or consequences of the behavior; Teach more acceptable replacement behaviors that serve the same function as the inappropriate behavior;

    Implement changes in curriculum and instructional
    strategies; and Modify the physical environment.”

    Statements above are from:

    Prepared By The Center for Effective Collaboration
    and Practice Mary Magee Quinn, Ph.D., Deputy Director, Center
    for Effective Collaboration and Practice Robert A. Gable, Ph.D., Research Fellow, Old Dominion University
    Robert B. Rutherford, Jr., Ph.D., Research Fellow,
    Arizona State University C. Michael Nelson, Ed.D., Research Fellow, University Of Kentucky Kenneth W. Howell, Ph.D., Research Fellow, Western Washington University

    COPYRIGHT: This information is copyright free.
    Readers are encouraged to copy and share it, but please credit
    the Center for Effective Collaboration and Practice.

    As far as students receiving special education continually, these students are set up to work towards IEP goals that are often vague and have low standards even when they have the intellectual capacity to be on grade level. These children become the self fulfilling prophecy’s. Research has even documented this. If a teacher expects a group of children to do poorly, those children do poorly even if those children had the same I.Q’s as the group that the teachers expected to do well.

    Sadly, also teacher’s also underestimate the problems children are experiencing. Fletcher and Satz[3] highlighted this in a 3-year longitudinal study. They evaluated the predictive validity and utility of teacher assessments versus norm referenced assessments of kindergartners in a screening. Predictions of reading achievement to the end of Grade 2 revealed that teacher-based predictions were characterized by and high false negative rates with teachers missing 87% of the severely disabled readers. In contrast, test-based predictions were characterized lower false negative rates missing only 32% of the severely disabled readers. [3] Journal of Pediatric Psychology 9(2) pp. 193-203, 1984

    I think it is pretty sad to think that 87% of severely disabled readers are being missed by their teachers.

    Thank God I intervened in my children’s education. I have two in private school who are now making great progress. Never in my life would I think I would have have considered homeschooling yet my third son I homeschool. He was just tested at Fairleigh Dickinson this year and scored above average and superior in all his academic areas which I must point out also has a similar profile to his brothers. There are many parents out here that DO CARE about our children but some are so beaten up and abused by the system, some are exhausted by the challenges of the economy, and YES some are just unwilling to do the work for their child. Personally, it was a long and huge road for me to fight a system that is so broken and so uncaring and I made TONS of sacrafices to have my children where they are now which includes the downfall of my sucessful business because I was so busy having to play lawyer against the system and having to take the responsibility to educate my own children. And that is the other side! 🙂

    Dana

    P.S. Shame on parents who text their children with such information rather then having a sit down conversation with them.

  5. aprilandbones

    I love this post! This is true. My daughter knows, I only have her back when it’s true and I’m seen the proof, not just her word. But I’m also one of those parents that do not have cable TV (TV for moveies once a week) and I don’t sit her in front of the TV of computer without a time limit and supervision. Needless to say we do physical things. Maybe if more parents bonded with kids, they wouldn’t have such a bad attitude and they would have more respect for teachers. I feel you guys need to be paid more. I was a problem teen, but my home life was so abusive, and school was my safe place.

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