Category Archives: Health

My Blueprint Cleanse

In October 2013 I joined a gym… well more of a club.  I can eat, drink, shower, work out, swim, watch TV, shop, get my hair done, get a massage or a wax – even a makeup application.  I can play racquetball or tennis, sit in front of the fire (life is good), take Tango lessons, yoga (among other things), go to one of the many drinking and eating social functions offered and have a gourmet meal in the cafe.

In January 2014 I went back to eating healthy and counting every damn calorie I stick in my mouth.  I lost 11 pounds in January and 3 so far this month.  Not bad, but my goal is 10 pounds per month so I can actually go out in public in a bathing suit.

I gained about 30 pounds in 3 months – I am an expert gainer.

So the other day I was in Whole Foods on one of my many visits to the Middletown store, when I discovered a box of juices made to cleanse your body.  Manufactured by Blueprint, the 6 juice cleanse cost $55 for a one-day cleanse.

After researching the product at home Blueprint Cleanse offers a 1, 3 or 6 day cleanse of 6 100% organic, raw juices.  renovation-cleanse-bottles

I didn’t know if I could do a 3-day but I was sure I could juice for 1 full day.  I chose the Renovation Cleanse.

I started out and ended the day with a hot water and lemon.

For breakfast I had to consume 1 GREEN JUICE containing 110 calories of juice from organic romaine, organic apple, organic celery, organic cucumber, organic spinach, organic kale, organic parsley, organic lemon.

First impressions:

Color:  Bile

Smell:  Celery

Taste:  Celery and lettuce

Opinion:  I hate the taste and smell of celery and the taste of the green juice was hard to get down.  It took me from 8 am to 9:30 am to finish the 16 oz bottle.  I’ve had worse things in my mouth, but I eat for enjoyment not necessity.  If I can do it, anyone can.

Next my mid-morning snack called P.A.M.  was 210 calories of juice from organic pineapple, organic apple, organic mint, filtered water.

This was yummy!  What a lovely taste!

FIRST IMPRESSIONS:

Color:  Bright yellow or the color of strong pee

Smell:  Pineapple

Taste:  Sweet and easy going down

Opinion:  This was a great juice!  It was a must-need after nursing that vile green bile juice.

Lunch.  Dammit!  Another green juice!  No explanation needed.  But by this time I couldn’t get it all down and left 1/3 of the bottle in its coagulated mess.

My afternoon snack was Spicy Lemonade.  Its 120 calories of filtered water, juice from organic lemon, organic agave nectar, cayenne extract (Mexican Habanero, jalapeño, African, Chinese, Thai, Korean, and Japanese peppers) was pretty good.

FIRST IMPRESSIONS:

Color:  Light-colored Lemonade

Smell:  Lemony

Taste:  Lemonade with a hint of spice

Opinion: This was a good juice.  It felt clean and fresh.  I wish there was a little more spice but I guess it has to appeal to a broader audience and not just a spice-addict like myself.  The hotter the better.

Dinner.  Ugh!  Little did I know that I had to drink beets!  I hate beets!  I hate the texture, the color, the taste.  C.A.B. is 190 calories of juice from organic apple, organic carrot, organic beet, filtered water, organic lemon and organic ginger.

FIRST IMPRESSIONS:

Color:  Deep Red

What's left...

What’s left…

Smell:  Earthy

Taste:  Beets and dirt

Opinion:  This wasn’t as bad as the green juice but because of my massive dislike of beets, I couldn’t drink the whole thing and left about 1/2 inch in the bottle.

Dessert.  My last juice was 300 calories of Cashew Milk (they have alternatives for people with nut allergies) including filtered water, organic cashew, organic agave nectar, organic cinnamon, organic vanilla extract and organic vanilla specks.

FIRST IMPRESSIONS:

Color:  Thick Whitish Almond Milk

Smell:  Nutty Vanilla

Taste:  Nutty but light

Opinion: I thought it would taste better but it was pretty good.  Filling.  I could taste the cashew and vanilla flavors.

Is it worth it?

Yes.  I thinks so.

I felt clean.  My urine was completely clear and healthy looking.  I lost 1 pound but I didn’t expect to really lose any because the calorie count was my normal intake.

I was not hungry at all.  Psychologically I craved food – especially when my husband brought home KFC for himself – but I really had no desire for solid food.

I did have a headache but I think it was a sinus headache and not a food headache.

I felt light-headed in the morning and then throughout the day but was still able to function normally.

I didn’t go to the gym because I felt weak – probably NOT from the cleanse since I woke up in the middle of the night with my period (usually makes me weak – damn 40’s).  Fun stuff.

In any case, it’s worth a try.  I felt really good the next day.  There was no pooping involved – in case any of you are worried about that but I did pee a lot.

I think I might be ready for a 3-day cleanse.  I bought a juicer – we’ll see how that works out.  I may try Suja Fresh Start as well.  It’s worth a shot.

I will add that I was miserable all day – cranky, irritable… but I had other things going on.  As the night progressed I did feel less grumpy… but it was my first cleanse!  I think that might be normal.

Well, I’ll be ready for another – many next month… I’ll keep you posted.

If you have tried Blueprint or another brand – or even your own – I’d like to hear about it.

Good luck and happy cleansing!

© 2014 J. H-M and CultureChoc2010

It’s All About The Boobs – In Honor of Breast Cancer Awareness Month

Boobs, jugs, peaches, ninnies, tits, rack, eyes, knockers, cans, sweater meat, knobs, boobies, breasts, titties, mammaries, pins, bazooms, bazongas, headlights, hooters, lungs, fun bags, tatas, maracas, girls, twins and the list goes on.

What is the obsession with boobs?  Especially men’s obsession – straight or gay, single or married, bi-sexual or A-sexual.  When I lived in Paris, my “happy” flat mate Vivaldo loved my boobs.  He used to hover outside the frosted glass window of the bathroom door waiting to catch a glimpse.

When I was in graduate school I did an action-based project on boobs.  It was titled, “Do Big Boobs Really Make A Difference?”  My professor at Montclair State loved it and I got an A.  It was an interesting project.  In a nutshell:  I went to several places one of which was a supermarket.  The first time I walked in with no cleavage but looking nice.  I couldn’t find a soul to help me and left the store unsatisfied.  The next time I went, I was sporting full boobage and the young men at Shop Rite couldn’t wait to come to my rescue.  They actually followed me around the aisle and made me feel really uncomfortable.

What I found on my quest for truth was exactly what I thought I would find.  They DO make a difference in how people treat you.  Really how men treat you.  You/They are objectified.  You/They are ogled.  Christ!  Even Mike Tyson leered at my boobies, paused to smile and say a personal hello.  Men are notoriously easy when it comes to visual stimulation.  You have to be a confident woman to walk around with perky boobies.

A female friend of mine asked me if they were real and touched them for verification.   Another friend, on my birthday, reached over into my shirt at the Avenue in Long Branch and felt me up!  I looked at my husband and laughed.  They’re real people.  It’s all in the bra.  Lift and push up.

The size of your breasts and the way you present them is everything.  When I’m in a bad mood the last thing I want people to do is to leer at me and the twins, so I cover them up (this does not always help – it may be my posture).  I always felt sorry for the girls in grammar school that had beautiful breasts and were completely objectified by immaturity.

My mom survived breast cancer and had to go through a double mastectomy.  I had 2 tumors removed from each breast before I hit 30.  Just waiting for the pathology report was one of the longest weeks of my life.  Thank God they were benign but I know a lot of women, my age, younger and older who have battled with breast cancer.  They are courageous women from whom we should take a lesson.

If it’s all about the boobs when you look at them, it should be all about the boobs when you take care of them.  Self exams, mammograms, doctor visits.  Just do it.  Big or small, our breasts are important – we are important.  In this day and age when we hear of so many incidents of breast cancer in both women and men (yes men), we need to take action quickly as early detection is the beginning of the battle.

So as a favor to me and as a service to yourselves, everyone grab your boobs on three.  One, two, three….  It may save your life.

© 2011 J. H-M and CultureChoc2010.   Republished.

Behind The Boobage: A Re-blog

saline filled breast implants

Image via Wikipedia

Many of you know about my obsession with boobs for various reasons:  My mom had breast cancer for 28 years and it finally caught up with her 6 years ago.

So many people have suffered from this disease and have survived as well.  So anytime I hear anything about boobs, my ears perk up and I am immediately interested.  Please know that I have nothing against breast implants if performed safely by board certified surgeons.

This was a post I wrote in 2010.

Today I was watching the news and was surprised to learn that there is yet another way to fix your boobs.  It’s called the “Internal Bra”.  You wear it on the inside of your breasts and it’s supposed prevent your mammaries from sagging at an accelerated rate.

What will they think of next?  I always had small boobs – a 34 B – until I got fat.  That’s where mine came from.  Even after losing the weight, I still have a nice set.  I’m puzzled that society has led women along this unreachable path of perfection.  Look at the ads.  Look at Hollywood.  It’s almost impossible to keep up with the Annistons – and Joan Rivers – well she scares me.

Getting back to the boobs, I decided to research the history of implants and was shocked by my findings.  In 1890 the first surgical breast augmentation was performed with paraffin injections.  Tell me if I’m wrong, but I thought paraffin was a flammable wax substance used in manicures.  Damn!  If I had paraffin in my breasts I would be careful about standing too close to the stove or fireplace.

When paraffin didn’t work the doctors inserted glass and ivory balls.  These balls caused so many infections that they became obsolete.  Can you imagine having glass balls in your boobs?  I couldn’t.  Could you even lay on your stomach?  Mammograms would be a no-no.

In 1920 the plastic surgeons tried fat implants.  They stole fat from your ass and stomach and stuck it up top.  In the 1940’s they decided that since women’s bodies absorbed that fat, that this was no longer a viable method.

In 1950’s America, polyvinyl sponges were implanted.  I’ve seen sponges but never thought about inserting one into my breast.  These sponges shrunk (shrinkage) and became the link between breast surgery and breast cancer.

In the 1960’s Silicone came into play through injections directly into the breast.  Because of chronic inflammation, infection and lumps, this quickly fell out of favor but was reintroduced in the form of an implant in 1961 and by 1982 they were taken off the market due to ruptures, leakage and health issues cause by the leaking Silicone.

In 1992 Saline implants entered the scene.  I guess it’s like wearing a water bra on the inside.  In 1995 Soybean Oil Implants were introduced outside of the US which became toxic in the body and also had the potential to go rancid just like any other oil in your kitchen.

In 2001 the Brava Breast Enhancement and Shaping System was introduced.  This was a bra-like device surrounded with silicone that cryovacs your boobs and causes them to grow a cup size after wearing the bra for at least 10 hours a day.  Needless to say, this did not work.

In 2006 a gummy bear like Silicone was re-introduced into the US market.  Why try Silicone again?  They’re just asking for trouble.

Then comes the Laser Bra for enhancements and reductions.  This surgery is like wearing a built-in push-up bra.  A CO2 laser is used to create a smaller, perkier breast.

Recently Breform placed beneath the skin (aka The Internal Bra) seems to be all the rage.

So I want to get this straight.  I want reiterate what women do to stop the “sagging” process.  We’ve injected flammable wax, ass fat and Silicone.  We’ve inserted glass, ivory, sponge, Silicone, rancid oil, salt water and now polyester.  We’ve shrink-wrapped, lasered, lifted and removed tissue.  The doctors have cut skin and repositioned nipples all in the quest for eternal beauty.

Now I’m not saying that I would never have it done because I’m quite vain and seeing my mom without breasts and her not giving a shit because she was who she was and she always said that boobs didn’t make the woman… and she was right.  I wish I could be that strong.

In the meantime I’ll keep wearing my push up, cleavage forming grapefruit holders until I might someday weaken and become a plastic surgery statistic.  I’ll also fight off injecting Botulism and other toxins into my face and body until once day I might succumb to society’s pressure and the quest for the Fountain of Youth.

© 2011 J. H-M and CultureChoc2010

It’s All About The Boobs – A Re-Blog

Boobs, jugs, peaches, ninnies, tits, rack, eyes, knockers, cans, sweater meat, knobs, boobies, breasts, titties, mammaries, pins, bazooms, bazongas, headlights, hooters, lungs, fun bags, tatas, maracas, girls, twins and the list goes on.

What is the obsession with boobs?  Especially men’s obsession – straight or gay, single or married, bi-sexual or A-sexual.  When I lived in Paris, my “happy” flat mate Vivaldo loved my boobs.  He used to hover outside the frosted glass window of the bathroom door waiting to catch a glimpse.

When I was in graduate school I did an action-based project on boobs.  It was titled, “Do Big Boobs Really Make A Difference?”  My professor at Montclair State loved it and I got an A.  It was an interesting project.  In a nutshell:  I went to several places one of which was a supermarket.  The first time I walked in with no cleavage but looking nice.  I couldn’t find a soul to help me and left the store unsatisfied.  The next time I went, I was sporting full boobage and the young men at Shop Rite couldn’t wait to come to my rescue.  They actually followed me around the aisle and made me feel really uncomfortable.

What I found on my quest for truth was exactly what I thought I would find.  They DO make a difference in how people treat you.  Really how men treat you.  You/They are objectified.  You/They are ogled.  Christ!  Even Mike Tyson leered at my boobies, paused to smile and say a personal hello.  Men are notoriously easy when it comes to visual stimulation.  You have to be a confident woman to walk around with perky boobies.

A female friend of mine asked me if they were real and touched them for verification.   Another friend, on my birthday, reached over into my shirt at the Avenue in Long Branch and felt me up!  I looked at my husband and laughed.  They’re real people.  It’s all in the bra.  Lift and push up.

The size of your breasts and the way you present them is everything.  When I’m in a bad mood the last thing I want people to do is to leer at me and the twins, so I cover them up (this does not always help – it may be my posture).  I always felt sorry for the girls in grammar school that had beautiful breasts and were completely objectified by immaturity.

My mom survived breast cancer and had to go through a double mastectomy.  I had 2 tumors removed from each breast before I hit 30.  Just waiting for the pathology report was one of the longest weeks of my life.  Thank God they were benign but I know a lot of women, my age, younger and older who have battled with breast cancer.  They are courageous women from whom we should take a lesson.

If it’s all about the boobs when you look at them, it should be all about the boobs when you take care of them.  Self exams, mammograms, doctor visits.  Just do it.  Big or small, our breasts are important – we are important.  In this day and age when we hear of so many incidents of breast cancer in both women and men (yes men), we need to take action quickly as early detection is the beginning of the battle.

So as a favor to me and as a service to yourselves, everyone grab your boobs on three.  One, two, three….  It may save your life.

© 2010 J. H-M and CultureChoc2010.