Tag Archives: driving

Discourteous Richards: Always Alive & Well in NJ

I love to drive.  I own a BMW for Pete’s Sake.  They say it’s the Ultimate Driving Machine – and it is.  I love to maneuver up the Garden State Parkway sans traffic, put the petal to the metal and enjoy the ride.

With the top down, my IPOD at full blast I am unstoppable until I am hindered by none other than the Left Lane Dick.

The discourteous Richard:

  1. has no idea he or she is an idiot retarding your progress.
  2. has no clue that it is the law in NJ to keep right and pass left.
  3. is from New York or Pennsylvania – notorious Left Lane Dicks.
  4. is hanging in the left lane on purpose because he or she really is a douchebag.

Nothing makes me road rage more than a taste of a left lane lagger.

I have a 20 minute drive to work door to door and I find myself losing my mind as I try to fly up the highway.  I tailgate.  I scream.  I swear excessively.  I hand gesture and flip the bird.  I drive with my knee.  I pull up next to people and actually yell at them.  I cut them off.  I lose my mind!

When one of my road adversaries gets cocky and thinks he can scare me by tailgating my pristine automobile, I look in the rear view mirror, gesture to him to come closer, swear a few times, then slam on my brakes.  He usually backs off.

I’m tired of being strong-armed by stupid men and women on the road.  I drive like Mario Andretti – not a typical chick – no offense to my gender or any other but STAY OUT OF THE LEFT LANE!

Even if I’m passing on the left doing 95 mph and someone wants to go faster, I move it on over because that’s the way it should be.  Bottlenecking every single lane of the Parkway does nothing but create traffic and cause road rage.

Don’t we have enough of distractions on the road?  We need eyes up our butts and are distracted by screaming kids (not me), loud music, rubber-necking, LLDs and now the GPS.  It’s always so confusing.  It should stand for Go Ahead And Piss Me Off System.  It finds new ways to screw me up while I’m driving but I have found a new use for it.

I Spy.  Remember that game?  You tell me.  What do you see in my picture?  At least it’s good for amusement purposes.

So with all we have to worry about while driving, I wish we could get rid of the Left Lane Dick and push him into extinction because no one should be held back by a jerk off.

You can use that advice in life too.  Good luck.

© 2010 J. H-M and CultureChoc2010. Re-published 2011.

Discourteous Richards: STILL Alive and Well in NJ

I love to drive.  I own a BMW for Pete’s Sake.  They say it’s the Ultimate Driving Machine – and it is.  I love to maneuver up the Garden State Parkway sans traffic, put the petal to the metal and enjoy the ride.

With the top down, my IPOD at full blast I am unstoppable until I am hindered by none other than the Left Lane Dick.

The discourteous Richard:

  1. has no idea he or she is an idiot retarding your progress.
  2. has no clue that it is the law in NJ to keep right and pass left.
  3. is from New York or Pennsylvania – notorious Left Lane Dicks.
  4. is hanging in the left lane on purpose because he or she really is a douchebag.

Nothing makes me road rage more than a taste of a left lane lagger.

I have a 20 minute drive to work door to door and I find myself losing my mind as I try to fly up the highway.  I tailgate.  I scream.  I swear excessively.  I hand gesture and flip the bird.  I drive with my knee.  I pull up next to people and actually yell at them.  I cut them off.  I lose my mind!

When one of my road adversaries gets cocky and thinks he can scare me by tailgating my pristine automobile, I look in the rear view mirror, gesture to him to come closer, swear a few times, then slam on my brakes.  He usually backs off.

I’m tired of being strong-armed by stupid men and women on the road.  I drive like Mario Andretti – not a typical chick – no offense to my gender or any other but STAY OUT OF THE LEFT LANE!

Even if I’m passing on the left doing 95 mph and someone wants to go faster, I move it on over because that’s the way it should be.  Bottlenecking every single lane of the Parkway does nothing but create traffic and cause road rage.

Don’t we have enough of distractions on the road?  We need eyes up our butts and are distracted by screaming kids (not me), loud music, rubber-necking, LLDs and now the GPS.  It’s always so confusing.  It should stand for Go Ahead And Piss Me Off System.  It finds new ways to screw me up while I’m driving but I have found a new use for it.

I Spy.  Remember that game?  You tell me.  What do you see in my picture?  At least it’s good for amusement purposes.

So with all we have to worry about while driving, I wish we could get rid of the Left Lane Dick and push him into extinction because no one should be held back by a jerk off.

You can use that advice in life too.  Good luck.

© 2010 J. H-M and CultureChoc2010.

 

Getting It From Behind

Little did I know that when I put my top down, cranked up the IPOD, rolled down the windows and started on my way home that I would be taking it in the rear.

I was driving home on the Garden State Parkway listening to Rump Shaker and enjoying  the 90 degree heat when traffic slowed down and I realized that there was probably an accident up ahead.  I was traveling about 20 mph when I noticed this jerky guy in my rear-view mirror tailgating me and driving like an ass.  I said out loud, “This A-hole is going to hit me.”

I kept driving along quite calm and un-irritated by the gridlock but I was thinking that I would be annoyed if it was a jam-up from rubbernecking.  I was almost at a full stop when the dope behind me smashed into my rear.

I started screaming expletives, motioned to him to pull over to the right shoulder and promptly dialed 911.  The guy genuinely apologized but I was so pissed off all I could utter was “it’s ok” and continue on my silent rant and check the damage.  Yes I had damage.  It didn’t look like much but when it comes to my BMW everything costs more.  The guy’s license plate actually made indentations in my bumper, scratched it up and took small chunks out of the fiberglass.  Shit!

I waited on the side of the road for what seemed like an eternity.  It was hot too and everyone was glaring at us as they drove by.  Finally a trooper arrived and I explained what happened, gave him my credentials and he was off to his truck.  He didn’t even want to write a police report!  Are you kidding me?  He said that it wasn’t over $500 worth of damage – does he drive a Beemer?  A little chip in my door from a careless driver in the parking lot was estimated at $495 – I can’t imagine what this is going to be.

While I was waiting for the cop to write his report I stood on the side of the road.  First my neighbor Ann called.  Her husband drove past and told her to see if I was ok.  Then Terry called.  She and Al also drove by and saw me standing alongside my poor baby (the car that is).  I got back in the car and all of a sudden a beige car stops on the shoulder up ahead.  Who the Hell was this?  A girl gets out of her car and starts running down the shoulder.  Amy!  It was my friend Amy!  She stopped to see if I was ok.  How sweet.  I’ve been laughing about it all afternoon – I wish I had a video camera!

A little while later I was back on my way home.  I was grateful that it was a minor accident and not a major one – the major one was up ahead causing all the congestion.  I am grateful for my friends that cared enough to call or stop.  They are THE BEST!  As far as my BMW goes…  I guess I have to wait for the police report before I can do anything.

I’ve never been against getting it from behind, but when it comes to my 330 ci stay off my ass!

© 2010 J H-M and CultureChoc2010.

On The Radio, Oh Oh Oh Oh, On The Radio…

Running late as usual I dashed out of my house hoping I had everything I needed:  lunch, phone, tampons and my IPOD.  I turned on the radio to see what my NJ DJ was talking about today.  I hoped he wasn’t bashing teachers, I was so sick of hearing it.  To my surprise he was talking about a subject that I am all to familiar with:  LEFT LANE DICKS!

You know, the people who hang out in the left lane that’s supposed to be for passing only.  Well anyway, he was reading a piece on the LLD and it sounded so familiar.  All of a sudden I realized that he was reading MY blog on Discourteous Richards:  Alive And Well In NJ.

MY BLOG!  I was so excited that I was smiling, clapping while driving with my knee and frankly, feeling a little superior.  I was pleasantly surprised and shocked at the same time but so thrilled for my 15 minutes of fame.

I had a crummy 2 weeks before and I needed to smile, and boy was I smiling from ear to ear.  Talking to myself and still clapping while I listened to people call in and bitch about the Left Lane Dicks in NJ, I was finally in a good mood.

I was sailing up the left lane on the GSP and passing car after car enjoying my driving freedom and my sense of accomplishment.  My good mood was short-lived when some DB cut me off to get in the left lane and slow up like a typical Discourteous Richard.

The Left Lane Dick ruined my great mood – but I guess he is why I was in a good mood to begin with!

Image: Francesco Marino / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

© 2010 J. H-M and CultureChoc2010

Discourteous Richards: Alive And Well In NJ

I love to drive.  I own a BMW for Pete’s Sake.  They say it’s the Ultimate Driving Machine – and it is.  I love to maneuver up the Garden State Parkway sans traffic, put the petal to the metal and enjoy the ride.

With the top down, my IPOD at full blast I am unstoppable until I am hindered by none other than the Left Lane Dick.

The discourteous Richard:

  1. has no idea he or she is an idiot retarding your progress.
  2. has no clue that it is the law in NJ to keep right and pass left.
  3. is from New York or Pennsylvania – notorious Left Lane Dicks.
  4. is hanging in the left lane on purpose because he or she really is a douchebag.

Nothing makes me road rage more than a taste of a left lane lagger.

I have a 20 minute drive to work door to door and I find myself losing my mind as I try to fly up the highway.  I tailgate.  I scream.  I swear excessively.  I hand gesture and flip the bird.  I drive with my knee.  I pull up next to people and actually yell at them.  I cut them off.  I lose my mind!

When one of my road adversaries gets cocky and thinks he can scare me by tailgating my pristine automobile, I look in the rear view mirror, gesture to him to come closer, swear a few times, then slam on my brakes.  He usually backs off.

I’m tired of being strong-armed by stupid men and women on the road.  I drive like Mario Andretti – not a typical chick – no offense to my gender or any other but STAY OUT OF THE LEFT LANE!

Even if I’m passing on the left doing 95 mph and someone wants to go faster, I move it on over because that’s the way it should be.  Bottlenecking every single lane of the Parkway does nothing but create traffic and cause road rage.

Don’t we have enough of distractions on the road?  We need eyes up our butts and are distracted by screaming kids (not me), loud music, rubber-necking, LLDs and now the GPS.  It’s always so confusing.  It should stand for Go Ahead And Piss Me Off System.  It finds new ways to screw me up while I’m driving but I have found a new use for it.

I Spy.  Remember that game?  You tell me.  What do you see in my picture?  At least it’s good for amusement purposes.

So with all we have to worry about while driving, I wish we could get rid of the Left Lane Dick and push him into extinction because no one should be held back by a jerk off.

You can use that advice in life too.  Good luck.

© 2010 J. H-M and CultureChoc2010.