Tag Archives: marriage

My Early Morning Rant… And It’s Only Tuesday!

Last night I had terrible insomnia.  Without the use of much-needed Benadryl, I watched TV until I miraculously drifted off to sleep.

At 3 am like clockwork, my bladder beckons me and I roll out of bed, eyes half-closed, dragging my feet, but managing to step on my poor, little kitty Tia pretty damn hard.  Why the hell was she sleeping on the bathroom rug?

As usual 4 am comes early when you have a noisy husband who hates that his wife is home on vacation for 2 months in the summer.  Bang, bang, clack, crash, grrrrind, slam…. and he’s off… and I’m getting up to pee.

I rolled back into bed and Peaches joined me – she must have been looking out the front window.  I called for Tia – the poor kitty I crushed this morning – but she didn’t come.  I heard noise so I naturally assumed she was locked in somewhere.

Sure enough I open the guest room and smack her with door as she was eager to escape.  Poor Tia!

Now I’m really up.  Bailey is not even up yet!

I turn on Clean House: The Messiest Home in America – because frankly, there’s nothing else on at that time of the morning.  Maybe I’ll get motivated.

Oh yeah – let me text John and let him know that he locked the cat in the spare bedroom!

I thought I heard the phone, so I send another text and sure enough… he forgot his phone.  Great way to ignore me for the day!

Well, I might as well get the hell out of bed and make coffee.

As I reached the top of the stairs I noticed that the front door was left ajar once again.  I swear someone is going to come and kill me some day!

I also saw my tennis bag thrown on the floor of the foyer but no tennis racket (I guess that’s still in the car) – he must have taken MY car!

Yep.  The car’s gone and I can’t play tennis without my racket!

Oh well. I’m over it… until I open the fridge and realize that his lunch is still there but my marinating tortellini salad, that I made last night for company today, is gone.  I hid it in the fruit bin too!  So I guess I have to cancel my plans.  So annoyed.

MX@@#r F@@@XX!!!!!!!  XXXOOO@@XV!!!!!!

It’s only 7 am and I’m already pissed off!

So after all that ranting, here’s my recipe for Tortellini Salad.

Jacqui’s Tortellini Salad

1 lb tortellini, cooked and cooled
1 can corn, drained
1 can black beans, drained and rinsed
1 small garden pepper, chopped
a sprinkle each of gray salt, pepper, garlic powder, cumin, ground coriander and salsa seasoning 
extra virgin olive oil

Mix all ingredients in a bowl.  Stir well.  Serve immediately or refrigerate overnight to allow the flavors to meld.

Serves 4-6

It’s easy and tasty, so enjoy!

© 2011 J. H-M and CultureChoc2010.

Separate Bedrooms: The New Retro Modern?

A couple of years ago my husband and I had a huge fight (probably over something stupid) and he moved into the spare bedroom.

To this day he drifts in and out of our boudoir for various reasons:  sex, sleep, intimacy, his bed is not made….  Frankly, I am so used to sleeping alone (well not alone – with 1, 2 or 3 cats) that when he decides to invade my personal space (Isn’t that what marriage is?) without warning, I get absolutely NO SLEEP.

By the time I get acclimated to a warm, non-furry body next to me, he’s gone again because of his crazy work schedule.

Back to the lack of sound sleep….

Girls… you know what I’m talking about.  The burping, farting, snoring and general restlessness of a man is difficult  to look forward to.

My friend tries to convince me that it’s part of marriage and she’ll never go to sleep  without her husband next to her.  I agree – but once you get used to the less smelly, less noisy version of sleep, it’s hard to go back.  I already have to deal with the cats and my own ADHD.  Damn!  I take to 2 Benadryl every night so so I can fall asleep at a decent hour.

I am not a cuddler.  I am always warm and can’t stand the idea of someone snuggled up against me.  Maybe I’m a guy in a chick’s body?  Who knows!

It definitely got me thinking about the past and the practice of separate bedrooms.  My parents always slept in the same bed, but I think the kings and queens of Europe had the right idea.

Are separate bedrooms the new retro modern?

I think so.  Right or wrong.  Good or bad.  I think if it works for you, go for it.  What do you think?  I’d love to hear from you.

© 2011 J. H-M and CultureChoc2010.

Image: photostock / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

A Pain In The What?

For some reason, I know not what, I have been saddled with the worse neck pain with no explanation.

A few days ago I had a pain on the left side of my head that worried me.  I figured out that it was radiating from my neck up into my head.  The next day it invaded my shoulder-blade and the following day it picked up and completely moved to the other side of my body without any warning.

The pain is worse and my self-medicating practices are not working very well.  I guess I’ll have to make a trip to the doctor’s against my will if I want some relief.

I asked my husband to do me a few favors because I am in pain (oh and took on a second job a few days after work) and even though I’m going to work and what not, I can’t lift anything or move my head around too much.

You would think that it would simple.  Nope.  I asked:

  1. Please pick up a quart of synthetic oil for my car.  The oil light is on and I can’t get to the mechanic for various reasons (that’s another story).
  2. Please help me put the liquid antibiotic in the cat’s mouth.  I can’t manoeuver properly in this condition.
  3. Please get litter and food at the pet store.  I can’t lift it.
  4. Please change the cats’ boxes – again I cannot lift the litter.

The results are in:

No to 1, 2, 3, 4.

I attempted number two and just got spit up on.

What the hell am I doing wrong?

I think I have a pain in the ass instead of a pain in the neck!

Do you have one of those too????

© 2011 J. H-M and CultureChoc2010.

500 Reasons NOT to Procreate

My photos that have a creative commons license...

Image via Wikipedia

At the age of 43 I am 99% sure that I made the right decision by not having any children.

For years I was on the fence, always unsure and always ready with an excuse.  My husband wanted to “knock me up” as soon as we got married but I always came up with a sound reason not to do it.

My cats are so much work that I can’t imagine having children.  I give parents a lot of credit.  Although I think I’d be a great mother if I had a baby, unless God surprises me, I’m not planning on.  My ship hasn’t sailed yet but the older I get the less patience I have for EVERYONE.

Every time I see my friends having problems with their kids, I say “Reason number ____ I never had children.”  A bit of a joke but totally true for me.

So I decided to compile a list of reasons that I’ve used and I will post them here and then once I get a good list going.  A list that rings concerned and selfish – I make no excuses for it.  So here we go…

  1. If I wanted to come home at a certain time, I would have dogs or kids, not cats.  As far as I’m concerned dogs are too much work.
  2. Children cost money – a lot of money – for the rest of your life.  I know my Daddy is still so good to me.
  3. I would worry 24/7 about my kids – and I can’t do it.  I worry when I can’t find the cats in the house!  I won’t rest until I locate them.
  4. I don’t change diapers.  I changed 2 in my life – that was enough.
  5. I always HATED babysitting… enough said.
  6. I would have to give up my $300 shoes for $30 ones.

To be continued…

© 2011 J. H-M and CultureChoc2010

Things That Make You Go F***! – A Reblog

If you’re going to be stuck in the house in a blizzard, make sure you’re snowed in with someone you actually like.  This will not even ensure a good weekend as many things can go wrong and Saturday morning takes a nasty turn.

I was so excited to be bunkered down in the snow with my husband.  I went shopping on Thursday to pick up some food.  I didn’t have anything in the house except crushed tomatoes and tofu shiratake.  So I went to Pathmark and spent $114 on essentials including some meat.  I had a wicked headache since Wednesday and I ran out of Advil so I asked John to pick up a few things at the store on Friday.  I asked him to buy wine, Advil and eggs.

On the way home on Friday I called him and asked him if we needed anything else and that I would stop and pick it up before I came home.  He told me that he forgot to buy Advil, so I stopped at CVS to pick it up.  Later on that evening I was cooking and ran out of paper towel and asked him to get me a roll in the garage.  To my surprise he informed me that we didn’t have any left.

WTF?  I asked you Thursday before I went to Pathmark.  You shopped Friday.  And I called you Friday before I came home to pick up any last-minute items.  Again WTF!  I bitched and moaned so Dr. Jekyll ran out to get me some later that evening.

The next morning John got up to make coffee and I trailed about 20 minutes behind.  The coffee smelled great and I couldn’t wait to make eggs with cilantro, swiss and soy crumbles.  I opened the fridge and asked, “Where are the eggs?”  He went to the garage and brought them in.  We had a dozen left.  A dozen.  Did I not ask you to pick up eggs and you didn’t?  So of course I started to rant and rave and as usual he immediately got mad at me and proceeded to make my day miserable because I got annoyed.

A day turned into a weekend, now we’re facing storm number two and Mr. Hyde has reappeared.  Thank God it’s Tuesday and not Friday or I’d have to drive down to the beach and rent a room, with WiFi of course, so I can be stress free for a couple of days.

I don’t know about you but I hate walking on eggshells in my own house.  When I talk, I talk too much and when I’m quiet, there must be something wrong with me.  I can’t win no matter what I do.  I cook, I clean (not according to him), I pay all the bills, I run the house, I shop for food, I feed the cats and wipe their asses and I work full-time, do home instruction and tutor on the side.  I used to coach cheerleading but I gave it up a couple of years ago to spend more time at home – now I’m questioning my decision.

In all fairness, I’ve never been the type to be up someone’s ass 24/7.  I need my space and my privacy.  I love my alone time and haven’t been getting enough of it lately.  When a woman does all this and takes care of herself, the psycho treatment is totally unnecessary and frankly daunting.

Enter blizzard number two.  Still stuck in the house with cranky, I start to drink early.  I’m feeling no pain, then my kitchen drawer collapses and all the forks, knives, spoons and other paraphernalia crashes into the bottom cabinet.  Sh**!  F***!  John spends the better part of the morning and afternoon trying to fix it.  We have a little lunch of oysters and crab cakes, a few games of Mario kart and then he heads out to clear the snow.

So John is out there snow-blowing and I ask what I can do.   He says “Put the stuff back in the drawer, but just essentials.”  So that’s what I do.  Ten minutes later I open the drawer and the GD thing collapses again!  Muther!  I poke my head outside to tell John who is furiously shoveling – he gets annoyed.  I scream, “Why aren’t you using the snow-blower?”  He yells, “It’s broken.”  Great.  Now he has to shovel the mess.

He was getting soaking wet outside and I was inside baking a ham.  As I basted my spice-rubbed pork with Sprite and other pan juices, my friggin’ baster falls apart and lands inside the oven and I have to fish it out.  What a day off!

As snow days go, it was typical and getting boring, but leave it to the brain surgeons on my block to provide entertainment.  I look outside and there’s a big truck stuck in front of my house, spinning out and grazing my mailbox.  As I look in the cul-de-sac I see a small white car completely immobilized by the deep snow in the street.  Who the hell would attempt to drive a low-to-the-ground car or any car for that matter, into a foot of snow?

My young car accident prone neighbor.  Beautiful but dumb.  The truck finally manages to free himself from the grips of the frozen mess and drives up the block.  Two minutes later he’s running down the street with a shovel.  What the hell was he going to do?  Shovel all the way down the street?

Yes indeed.  He shoveled and shoveled to create a path for her to drive into.  One by one, people started showing up to help.  John and I were looking out the window laughing.  Cruel but very entertaining.  The kid next store came to our door to dis them as well.  While we reveled in their stupidity the girl’s father took over driving, armed with a cigarette hanging out of his mouth and proceeded to burn rubber every foot he travelled.

We decided to have dinner and when we went back to the front window, the car was now stuck in front of our house and the dad was veering head-first into a snow bank.  I swear someone was going to be killed tonight.  He was flipping the car into reverse without telling the two boys who were pushing him from behind and almost ran them over.  Finally he broke loose spraying snow all over the good Samaritans and fish-tailed up to his house.

The spectacle was over and now for entertainment we have each other.  Thank God Direct TV and Wii are up and running!

© 2010 J. H-M and CultureChoc2010.

Tuesday’s Gone And The Pain Lives On

Last Tuesday would have been my parents’ 47th wedding anniversary.  My mom passed away 5 years ago and I try not to bring it up to my dad who, thank God, is still going strong.  Every year I feel sad and lonely when July 6th rolls around, but I suppress my tristesse in my private world.

Ma vie privée is not under lock and key.  Repress, suppress, deal.  I don’t know.  I know that I miss her.  I know that if I was granted one wish, my wish would be to see my mother again.  To hold her, to kiss her and to tell her that I love her so much and miss her more than anything.

I wish I could say “Happy Anniversary Mom & Dad!”, but I can’t say it out loud so I’ll cope with my pain in the silence of my own mind – though I don’t think it’s very tranquil there either.

© 2010 J. H-M and CultureChoc2010.