I love to drive. I own a BMW for Pete’s Sake. They say it’s the Ultimate Driving Machine – and it is. I love to maneuver up the Garden State Parkway sans traffic, put the petal to the metal and enjoy the ride.
With the top down, my IPOD at full blast I am unstoppable until I am hindered by none other than the Left Lane Dick.
The discourteous Richard:
- has no idea he or she is an idiot retarding your progress.
- has no clue that it is the law in NJ to keep right and pass left.
- is from New York or Pennsylvania – notorious Left Lane Dicks.
- is hanging in the left lane on purpose because he or she really is a douchebag.
Nothing makes me road rage more than a taste of a left lane lagger.
I have a 20 minute drive to work door to door and I find myself losing my mind as I try to fly up the highway. I tailgate. I scream. I swear excessively. I hand gesture and flip the bird. I drive with my knee. I pull up next to people and actually yell at them. I cut them off. I lose my mind!
When one of my road adversaries gets cocky and thinks he can scare me by tailgating my pristine automobile, I look in the rear view mirror, gesture to him to come closer, swear a few times, then slam on my brakes. He usually backs off.
I’m tired of being strong-armed by stupid men and women on the road. I drive like Mario Andretti – not a typical chick – no offense to my gender or any other but STAY OUT OF THE LEFT LANE!
Even if I’m passing on the left doing 95 mph and someone wants to go faster, I move it on over because that’s the way it should be. Bottlenecking every single lane of the Parkway does nothing but create traffic and cause road rage.
Don’t we have enough of distractions on the road? We need eyes up our butts and are distracted by screaming kids (not me), loud music, rubber-necking, LLDs and now the GPS. It’s always so confusing. It should stand for Go Ahead And Piss Me Off System. It finds new ways to screw me up while I’m driving but I have found a new use for it.
I Spy. Remember that game? You tell me. What do you see in my picture? At least it’s good for amusement purposes.
So with all we have to worry about while driving, I wish we could get rid of the Left Lane Dick and push him into extinction because no one should be held back by a jerk off.
You can use that advice in life too. Good luck.
© 2010 J. H-M and CultureChoc2010. Re-published 2011.